Keep Me From Stumbling

God is merciful.

I start by saying that because today, we are going to look within ourselves and see the human debris and mental cacophony. We’re looking within, with truth and kindness simultaneously.

I have come to realise a thorn (one of many) in my flesh. This is one thorn that many of us (Christians) do not want to acknowledge because, as the saying goes, “We judge ourselves by our intentions and others by their actions.” I have let myself pass the accountability test a couple of times because I am judging my intentions. The one who has the spirit of God has the best intentions and always means well… but should we let things pass because it was meant well? In Leviticus 10:1-20 we see the sons of Aaron burning to death in the presence of the Lord because they used an incense burner different from the one The Lord commanded. They meant well and were diligent but failed to follow instructions. I remember reading this, and my heart sank… stupid moves and stupid moments sometimes have consequences.

I do not intend to scare you with the Old Testament today, as you would know that my heart is to bring you hope in the chaos. Now, the Lord has been showing me on numerous occasions that I can be mean-spirited. I don’t view myself as a perfect person, but I do know that I am kind. I was under the impression that many experience my warmth in as much as they experience my quirks. A human being consists of so many things, and we cannot just label them as one thing. To say someone is one thing and discard their other qualities is unfair. However, we want to be known for our best qualities, even if there is just one. Someone (whom I consider to be sound-minded) summarised me as a mean girl. The last time I was called this was in primary school, and I have managed to detach myself from the label… having been Christian and truly advocating for love and compassion. That statement was received with nonchalance, oh, but did it cut deep. I was wondering how many people have that experience and how true it is. In this instance, there was a thing I did that truly was mean, and I apologized profusely for it… I just didn’t think it would give people an opportunity to say what was already on their chest. In another instance, a friend was sharing about how uncomfortable she was with one of the characters on Selling Sunset, and I didn’t find anything wrong with the character. She particularly found the character to be a mean girl … and then I wondered if I couldn’t see anything wrong because maybe I am also a mean girl??

I went into a deep pit of self-evaluation and boxing. I repented for the past and the future… because if this is truly my thorn, it will keep coming out when I am under the right amount of pressure in the future. I had been burdened by this realisation and almost shy to declare myself a Christian because how am I saved but not sanctified? In my mental cacophony and self boxing… The Holy Spirit dropped a verse before I drove myself to distraction.

“Now to Him who is able to keep you from stumbling, And to present you faultless Before the presence of His glory with exceeding joy, To God our Saviour, Who alone is wise, Be glory and majesty, Dominion and power, Both now and forever.” Jude 1:24-25.

As I was dissecting this passage, I got a bank notification, and the reference was “From God.” Yes, sure, I ended up finding out the friend who deposited the money, but the timing?? Impeccable. It came as a way to say I have heard your repentance, and I will journey with you… I will keep you from stumbling. This scripture not only promises that He will keep me from stumbling but He (Jesus) will present me FAULTLESS before God’s glory… and not only that, He will do it with EXCEEDING JOY. God is merciful because when I deserve punishment, many will take the opportunity to punish me, but He will take a different route and forgive me. I cannot keep myself from stumbling. I can only devote my humanity to Him, who is able to help me. To err is human, but to repent is the will of God. This brought me to the fact that I cannot save myself… even when I mean well. I don’t know how to be a good, holistic person apart without the spirit of God. He is the only one who knows goodness.

Now I re-surrender to Him, who is able to keep me from stumbling. The one who will shut my mouth and inspire my heart with compassion and empathy. Let the one who is alone holy be exalted in my strengths and weaknesses.